When struggling with the temptation to compare, we can often wonder how to even begin the healing process. I’ve implemented the following steps into my own life. I can attest to their usefulness, but I would like to note that each women and every heart is different. While we are all connected through the Lord, we all face different things in our lives so this is not a one-size-fits-all guide. It is, however, a good jumping off point.
The 4 P’s: PRAYER, PONDER, PURGE, PRAISE, PRAYER
First and foremost, I recommend going to the Lord in prayer. God knows what is in our hearts and minds. He knows the struggles we face just as He knows our weaknesses.
“For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?’ For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever” Romans 11:34-35
Nothing is ever a surprise to God. He is all knowing. We don’t ever tell God anything He doesn’t already know. So you may be asking: should we even pray then?
We pray because it is a gift. It is how we communicate with the Lord. Yes, He knows our needs and what is on our heart before we even speak it, but some things only happen because of prayer. We see in 1 Samuel that God responds to prayer. He responded to Hannah when she prayed for a child after being discouraged and barren. Hannah gave birth to a baby who became the prophet Samuel.
Prayer is also how we become closer with the Lord so that we may hear Him and obey Him. In doing so, we grow in the Spirit. When we grow in the Spirit, we begin to act more like Jesus.
“He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30
This means that in order to be more like Jesus, we must begin to turn away from who we were without Jesus. Vanity and idolatry in our hearts becomes less consuming when Jesus instead fills us.
So dear sister, I ask that your first pray to the Lord. Ask Him to change your heart so that you may reevaluate what is important in life. Ask that He would remove anything that is not glorifying to Him. Pray that He would help you focus on what you can do to glorify Him and not yourself.
The next step is to spend time in The Bible. The Bible is the living word of God. It is God breathed and poured out by chosen men who turned it into physical form for us to hold and read. Everything in The Bible is true.
Romans 5:8-9 says, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.”
Since everything in scripture is true, we can cling to this life-changing verse.
To know God, we must know His word. We must know the story of how He created us and the world, how precious we are to Him, how we still sinned against Him, and how He had a redemptive plan to save us.
We cannot know God and His incredibly amazing love for us if we don’t grasp the gospel.
Like anything we wish to learn more about, pondering God’s word takes time. It takes studying and meditating on it to grasp what scripture is teaching us.
It can be challenging to dive into scripture and at times you may not know where to start. At the end of this post, I’ll include a few reading plans to get you back into the groove of reading God’s word. I’ll also include some of my favorite Bible study methods.
Social media is a now a normal part of life. Almost everyone has some form of social media. Let’s be honest: it can be seen as odd if you don’t have social media!
For me, social media is a big trigger.
When I see a photo one mom posted of her spotless house… I compare.
When I see a selfie a woman took that day and she looks so put together… I compare.
When I see photos of a family on vacation and it was obviously a very expensive vacation… I compare.
Social media is a fantastic way to stay connected with family and friends and a tool to share the gospel. At the same time, though, it is also something that can be abused or even hinder our daily lives.
Solomon, a man who had everything he thought he could ever want, found the importance of filtering what filled his heart.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
What fills our hearts will dictate what we see as important, which will in turn dictate our actions.
When using social media, ask yourself these questions:
Am I seeking to glorify God in all that I post? Does my social media page point others closer to Jesus or does it just create self-glorification and worldly noise?
Does the person or page I’m following go against God’s word and is it causing me to stumble?
Does the content from people I follow glorify God or does it promote the love of materialistic things of this world?
Do others make you feel like you have to have a big house, fancy car, or an important title? Do you begin to see yourself as a failure and worthless because your life doesn’t look like theirs?
Are people I am following important to me or play an important role in my life? Do I see them all as children of God?
Don’t be afraid to take a social media break! I also did this and found it so beneficial. I wasn’t comparing myself nearly as much because I wasn’t exposed to as many opportunities to do so. I spent more time connecting with my family and getting my tasks done! I was able to turn my focus away from things that weren’t really important and instead able to focus on what is: God, my husband and our marriage, and my children.
Praise the Lord! Seriously! Even when we are stressing about the state of our homes, how much weight we’ve gained, or what the fancy lady from church thinks of us, we can still think of many things to praise God for.
Everyday when you wake up, make a list of at least 3 things you are grateful for. Then at the end of the day, add at least 3 more things! Praise Him for the many blessings He already HAS poured out. You can have fun with it and buy yourself a cute little notebook or scribble it down on a piece mail! Write it out on a note card or put it in the notes app on your phone. Wherever you write your list, make sure to read it throughout your day.
When you read your list, pray to God and thank Him for those blessings He gave you. It will help you to realize that you do indeed have good things in your life right now. This simple act will give you a more positive mood.
Here is my simple list from today:
Coffee, cool mornings, grilled cheese, a washing machine, soap, and my Bible.
No glitz and glam in my list. These are just things that made me stop and thank God I had them.
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”- Philippians 4:11-13
A closing prayer:
Lord, I pray for all the women who have read this post. More than likely they’ve come here looking for ways to overcome their struggles with comparison. More than likely they to have felt the longing for perfection and feel as if they don’t measure up. Lord help them be content and with what they have. Help them see the beauty in their lives and their situation. I pray that they would take these steps and implement them in their own lives, Lord. I pray that you would work with them in their lives to help them overcome their comparison issues. I pray that you would help them see what is important and I pray that you would fill their hearts so that they would focus more on you, Lord, and less on the things of this world. Lord, please help them to see that your love is abundant and that it is so incredible. Please be with these women as they go about their week, Lord. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.
The following Bible reading plans can be accessed on the You Version Bible App:
Lies Women Believe by Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth: https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/11929
Risen Motherhood : https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/19454
Real-Life Devotions by Lysa Terkeurst: https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/1376
The following Bible study guides and methods help you to gain a better understanding of any scripture reading:
Ponder: A Simple Guide to Time Alone With God : https://www.laurathardin.com/post/introducing-the-ponder-podcast
Journeywomen Bible Study resources **I specifically recommend the Bible Study Guide : https://journeywomenpodcast.com/bible-study
Risen Motherhood: The Abide Method: https://www.risenmotherhood.com/abide
Kal-le is a wife and mama living in beautiful West Virginia. She has a passion for worshipping Jesus, sharing God’s truth with others, and writing about her own personal sin struggles. Kal-le serves her family full-time at home where she aims to glorify God in the everyday moments of life. You can follow her on Instagram @mama__schrader.